Miniature – Tiny screenplay – Draft 2

oak-box-with-lock-closed

Mini screen pictures a production company that makes programmes for smart phones and tablets recently held a competition to find a winning script to be produced and directed and uploaded onto mobile technology.  I entered the competition with a revised script of Miniature.

Feedback:

I like the idea which seems very fresh, but not really sure I understand it fully in terms of getting my head round the set up.  But that’s possibly cause I’m not very good at reading scripts – I find it hard to picture.  Was there a particular brief associated with this?  – My sister.

The brief was to write an original script (no more than 10 minutes) in one of these genres – drama, supernatural crime thriller or comedy.

MINIATURE 

by

Jennifer Farfort

2013

FADE IN

EXT. FIRE DOOR EXIT. SMALL THEATRE HALL. DAY

o/s male voice:  Next

DAVID an eighteen year old boy smokes a cigarette. He wears a baseball cap, body-warmer, grey sweat shirt and matching tracksuit bottoms.

o/s male voice voice: Thank you. Mandy has your details. 

A group of young people in garish costumes walk out of the main entrance towards the car park.

David watches them.

A girl dances and twirls ahead of her friends.  Her exaggerated movements cause laughter amongst her friends.

musicbox

David looks on while blowing smoke rings.

Stubbing out his cigarette he slips quietly back inside the hall.

INT. SMALL THEATRE HALL. DAY

The hall is sparse and medium sized.  Orange curtains drape the sides of the stage.  Stage lights shine brightly.

Cut to

A man in his late 50s called STEVEN and two girls who are of similar age to David seated away from the stage. They are in charge of the auditions.

Cut to

BRIAN a man in his late 50s standing near the back of the hall.  He wears a three piece suit, and a Crombie overcoat.  He looks over to David.

BRIAN 

Everything ok David.

DAVID 

All clear Brian.

Cut to

Steven who is rubbing his eyes

STEVEN

Next

Pause

Next

Pause

Cut to

Brian as he looks to the side of the stage. He nods his head.

NEX…..

A group of males, and females in their early to mid twenties hurl onto the stage as if they have been suddenly pushed.

We can hear the sounds of their low, heavy panting breath.

Cut to

CARLA who is seated next to Steven.  She has bobbed, brunette hair.  She is drawing in a sketch book

STEVEN(looking at the group)

And you are the ..erm

(He scrabbles desperately at his notes.)

oh um I’m afraid i’ve mislaid your name

(He looks at them for an answer then looks over to Carla. She is drawing a doodle of the dancers.)

Carla.  What’s their name?

(She shakes her head, and shows him her drawing then passes it to SARAH who is sitting on the other side of Steven.  Sarah is looking at the ends of her long hair.)

The notebook depicts gangly arms and legs.

o/s music

 An unidentified tinny Broadway tune kicks in and crackles around the hall.

STEVEN

Oh ..ok well let’s carry on then.

The dancers faces look waxen as they stare back at him with fear and confusion.

We’re ready.  We do have other people to see.(sing song irritated voice)

The dancers start to dance and sway slowly.

Steven crosses his arms and looks unimpressed.

Cut to

Dancer’s feet as they start to tap dance a bit faster before picking up speed.

Cut to

Carla as she draws faster with each movement of the dancers legs. She adds bulging eyes to their scrawled, scared faces.

Steven peers over at her drawing and back to the dancers.

Cut to 

Their legs as they start to soar into a big high-kicking number.

Impressed he makes notes.

Panic is etched on the dancers faces.

Cut to

BRIAN

(misty eyed)

Wonderful just wonderful….see..it’s coming together. I knew it would. What do ya think David?.

Cut to

Sarah as she watches Brian.

BRIAN

(angry hushed tones)

David. Come back..You’re not ready yet.

DAVID

I’m ready now

BRIAN

Get back ere.

David walks down the side of the hall towards the side of the stage.

Sarah watches him as he goes past.  They both look at each other.

He goes behind the curtain.

Cut to

The back of the stage.

We see a long rod hooked and threaded through the dancer’s costumes.

It is coiled tightly along their backs holding them all together.

As we go along the stage we see IAN.  He is also eighteen.  He has sandy blonde hair and has the look of determination in his face.

Ian manipulates the rod twisting, and turning it making the dancers move in time.

Sounds of their tap dancing feet gets louder and heavier.

David also starts to hold onto the rod.

IAN

Oi gerroff. Leave it ya prick. GERROFF.

DAVID

It’s better like this….see.  Look it’s better

They start to struggle with the rod.

Brian said I’m ready.

IAN

Bollocks

David moves the rod too fast. They jostle losing control of the rhythm

Cut to

Dancers moving erratically.  Their bodies nearly flip over themselves like floppy, weak rag dolls.

Cut to

Ian and David shoving each other whilst trying to control the dancers.

IAN

You Cockend you’ve ruined it.

David lets it go.

Cut to

A whirling dervish of dancers reel about the stage.

Cut to

Steven, Carla and Sarah transfixed.

STEVEN

I think we need to stop the music.

(The music is still playing.)

STOP THE MUSIC PLEASE.

Cut to

One of the male dancers

MALE DANCER

(pleading eyes)

HELP

Another dancer joins him

FEMALE DANCER

(sad eyes)

HELP

The dancers try to struggle free.

ALL OF THE DANCERS

Helppppppp ussssss…helpppppp  usssss

Their pleas reverberate around the hall.  The music plays on.

Steven puts his hands around his ears.

Cut to 

Sarah watching the door close as Brian vanishes out of the hall.

STEVEN

(hands on ears)

I can’t hear myself think..STOP THE MUSIC

The music stops suddenly.

Cut to 

David and Ian pulling the rod sharply.

The dancers still pleading tumble in one fast motion from the stage into an open box which slams shut.

Cut to

Black screen

o/s:  Car door slam. Exhaust.

INT. SMALL ROOM. SAME DAY. LATE EVENING

A wad of cotton wool and a glass bottle of amber liquid rests on a table.

Cut to

Brian’s eyes peering into the box from earlier.  We see glimpses of quilted purple lining.

Ian is eating peanuts.

BRIAN

(his back to Ian and David he is still looking in the box)

There’s no room for mistakes in show business.  Don’t let it happen again.

(Closing the box. He faces both of them.)

Every turn, every move has to be on the dime.  We….They nearly had the audience in the palm of their hand

NEARLY HAD THEM

(David sheepishly hands him the rod.)

BRIAN

Next time just watch Ian. He learnt from the best. (he grips David’s shoulder) Your time will come soon enough.  Ain’t that right Ian.

IAN

(talking with his mouthful)

Mmyeahm

Brian sits down with his back to both of them.  He opens up a large sketchbook.

BRIAN

See you tomorrow boys.  Bright and early.

(Brian looks at rough sketches of costume designs.)

EXT. SMALL COMMUNITY HALL CAR PARK. EARLY MORNING

Rows of parked cars.  People mill about talking.

Cut to

Close up

Reflections in car rearview mirror of dancers costumes as they head towards the hall.

Brian roughly sketches designs of their costumes in his book.

Ian and David are pissing about.  David throws a peanut at Ian’s head.  Ian tries to give him a dead arm.

DAVID

(laughing)

Arrggh

BRIAN

Cut it out you two.  We’re got business to attend to.

o/s.  The faint sounds of kicking from inside a box.

Miniature – Tiny Screenplay – Draft 1

oak-box-with-lock-closed

This script was from an idea I had about three years ago.  The screenplay was conceived as a miniature film where everything opens suddenly and ends quite suddenly. I wanted the effect of a fast opening shot where everything comes tumbling into view.

A mixed dance troupe of males, and females in their early to mid twenties enter the stage in a rushed and hurried manner. 

I wanted it to be shot, and  screened on a mobile phone the smaller technology the better.    

The film is live action, animation or any medium you want it to be.

 Logline: A man tries to mould the perfect dance troupe that will take centre stage.

Feedback so far:

‘It’s quite harrowing. Is it supposed to be’ – Work Colleague

‘It’s strange.  What’s it about’  – My Dad

MINIATURE 

by

Jennifer Farfort

FADE IN

INT. DAY. CHURCH HALL

offscreen voice:  Next

A mixed dance troupe of males, and females in their early to mid twenties enter the stage in a rushed and hurried manner.

They hurl forward to the front of the stage.

Their breath is low and heavy.

Waxen faces show fear and confusion.

Seated facing them are a middle-aged man and two younger women.  They watch them tentatively.

One of the younger women draws a crude doodle of the troupe in her notebook depicting them as intertwined arms, legs and hair.

The man secretly looks at her doodle and back at the troupe.

MAN

And you are the …erm..

He scrabbles quickly at his notes.

offscreen music.

 An unidentified tinny Broadway tune kicks. It crackles around the hall.

The man and women glance at each other.

The dancers start to move very slowly before soaring into a high-kicking number.

Their legs are co-ordinated in a near perfect unison.

Panic etched on their faces.

The man makes notes.  The young women hands her doodle to her friend.  Her friend adds bulging eyes to their scrawled faces.

Standing discreetly near the hall door Brian a man in his late 50s watches them. He is wearing a three-piece suit, and a Crombie overcoat.

(sidenote:  I always imagined him to look like the late actor Tom Bell. _42167896_bell_bbc203

Cut to

The back of the stage.

A long rod is hooked and threaded in the dancer’s costumes.

It is coiled tightly along their backs holding them together.

As we go along the stage, and out of curtain range we see Ian an 18 year old boy.

He manipulates the rod twisting, and turning it making the dancers move in time.

David a 15 year old boy watches nearby.

Eager he also starts to turn the rod.

IAN (angry hushed tones)

Leave it..it takes time.  You’re not ready.  Leave it I said. Gerroff.

DAVID

It’s better like this….see

He moves the rod too fast.  Both boys jostle with each other, and in turn lose control of the rhythm

The dancers start to move in an erratic motion.

Their bodies flip over.

IAN

Gerroff ..Cockend

The dancers appear like a whirling dervish.

Both girls doodle frantically in their notebooks.

The middle aged man makes notes.

The boys continue to shove each other.

Panic is etched in the dancers faces.  They reel about on the stage.

A dancers eyes search for an escape.

A male dancer calls out.

MALE DANCER

Help

He yells again. His plea echoes around the hall

MALE DANCER

HELPPPPPPP USSSSSS

The other dancers start to call out.

DANCERS

HELPPPPPPP

Brian makes a quick exit out of the hall.

The man stands up and the two girls have stopped doodling.

MAN 

We’ve seen eno………

The dancers are pulled in one fast motion from the stage.

They tumble into an open box.

The box slams shut.

Black screen

Car door slam

Exhaust.

INT. EARLY EVENING. SMALL ROOM.

A wad of cotton wool and a glass bottle of amber liquid rests on a table.

Brian is peering into the box.

Ian watches him.

BRIAN

(his back to Ian and David still looking in box)

There’s no room for mistakes in this business.

Closing the box. He turns to David

Every turn has to be on the dime.  We….They nearly had them in the palm of their hand

NEARLY HAD THEM

David sheepishly hands him the rod.

INT. DARK PURPLE QUILTED LINING

offscreen. the faint sounds of kicking from inside the box.

Gold – Divine Chocolate Film Script with Minimal dialogue

Hi Jen,

Hope all is well with you. We decided to go with another proposal which would probably be more suited to a viral campaign we are trying to achieve.

However Charlotte and I, as well of Birds Eye View creative team were really impressed with the idea and with the narrative of Gold.

Hence we thought we would like to support you by offering you £500 towards a film course, if you take Gold as piece you want to develop in this context

Let us know your thoughts

Best wishes,

Tal Drori

Marketing Manager

Divine Chocolate Limited

The following script was entered into the Divine Chocolate Film Competition, which was to write a proposal capturing the essence of ‘Divine Chocolate’

I was one of the shortlisted winners and had to write a 2 min script.  The winner would have their film produced and uploaded as part of a Youtube Viral campaign. Although I didn’t win I was offered a prize to develop and make the film.  Since the competition the script has changed and I’m still working on changes up until I make the film.

When I came up with the character of May I pictured a girl with a look of a young, Tavi Gevinson.  She would be dressed like an older woman, a memsahib lounging on an allotment watching the people toiling away in the heat whilst she observes all around her exuding a slightly aloof, yet sophisticated air.

As I wrote the script May became more vivid as I pictured her among the green plants, and earth browns of a community allotment.

Image

GOLD

By
Jennifer Farfort

EXT. A COMMUNITY ALLOTMENT – EARLY AFTERNOON

FADE IN

(offscreen) we hear the sound of shovels digging deep into soil.

IN FRAME
May, an eight year old girl, is sitting on a deckchair. She wears a wide brim hat, big dark sunglasses, and is dressed like a sophisticated lady, with her cardigan draped around her shoulders.

(offscreen) we hear the sound of a kettle that is just coming to the boil, and the stirring of teacups.

Cut to
Backs of people bent over shovels tending to their plots.

Cut to
Allotment plots adorned with windmills, plastic bottles, gnomes,and strange looking scarecows. Shiny cds are tied, and stringed together on various plots. They flap gently in the breeze.

As May adjusts her sunglasses putting them atop her head her cardigan slips off, onto the ground.  Annoyed she quickly picks it up dusting it down, and puts it on properly. Hungry she unwraps her Divine Chocolate bar carefully. She breaks off some chunks hovering it near her mouth then slowly devours them. May looks inside her cardigan pocket staring intently at the contents that we cannot see, whilst nibbling at a bit of chocolate.  Transfixed, she gently pokes at the unseen contents.

Cut to

A bird scarer makes a whizzing motion. Its sound appears deafening.

May eyes it suspciously.  She watches its wooden feet pedalling switching from slow to fast, as the breeze catches it.She returns to her chocolate studying the Adinkra symbol designs Imageof the wrapper and starts to draw a symbol in her notebook. She makes elaborate patterned swirls that fill the page.

She takes in the sights and sounds around her.

Cut to

A block of flats is visible just beyond the end of the allotment.


A flurry of cabbage white butterflies circle playfully around each other.

MAY

(voiceover and subtitles)

A Daisy..A Daisychain of butterflies.

Two women stop to take a break. Their shovels are upended in the soil whilst they talk.  May watches them making up a conversation between them in her head

MAY

(voiceover and subtitles)

Would you like some chocolate/

May breaks off another piece of chocolate

it’s Divine

and eats it

/ooh…it is/oooh yummy/can I have another piece/

NO.  GREEDY GUTS!

Cut to

May’s parents who are watering their plot. She shares some chocolate with them.She looks over to her smaller plot beside theirs.

Cut to

A banner that says:

‘May’s Divine Chocolate Plot Garden’

It is decorated with Divine chocolate foil and wrappers.

She picks up a watering can.

(Offscreen) we hear the sound of a watering can being filled

Cut to

May pouring water over her plot making sure that everywhere is coated.

Taking off her shoes she watches her parents who are talking, with their neighbouring allotment growers. She tentatively steps on the soil walking over it she takes the stick and carefully divides it like big chocolate squares.

Taking off her hat, and placing her sunglasses on her head she kneels down on the sodden soil, cupping her hands she whispers quietly into the earth.

MAY

(subtitled)

Chocolate cake, Hot chocolate, ice cream, chocolate chip pudding…with chocolate sauce…milk choc-o-late

Standing up she reaches into her cardigan pocket and unwraps a chocolate coin, she eats it then attaches the gold wrapper to the flag. May makes a small well in the centre with a tiny shovel. Taking more coins out of her pocket, she looks around, and drops some of her chocolate gold coins (jangling sound) in the small well and covers it up.

She carves an Adrinka symbol in the wet soil.

Subtitles will say

“Greatness’

A rumble ripples under her feet losing her balance May falls onto the ground.

Cut to

May lying on ground next to her head she is surrounded by chocolate gold coins and bars of Divine Chocolate.Image

She scoops up her treasure filling her pockets.

(offscreen)

The sounds of the allotment come into view

May watches the legs of the bird scarer mobile move ever so slightly.

She sits down takes out her notebook and starts to write.

Cagefighting – 100 word screenplay

In front of a bus shelter seagulls peck at some food.

A young Asian lad throws a chip at them.

He looks at an older white man.

LAD: I cage fight.

The older man nods politely.

LAD: I can do two fights in a night. Easily.

He stops to eat a chip.

LAD: You thought about it.

MAN: What.

LAD: Cagefighting.

The man smiles shyly shaking his head.

LAD: Could teach ya

The man looks at his watch.

LAD: (staring at him) I …I could ya know

The man signals for the bus

MAN: No it’s ok.

He sits at the front.  The younger man sits behind him.