Miniature – Tiny screenplay – Draft 2

oak-box-with-lock-closed

Mini screen pictures a production company that makes programmes for smart phones and tablets recently held a competition to find a winning script to be produced and directed and uploaded onto mobile technology.  I entered the competition with a revised script of Miniature.

Feedback:

I like the idea which seems very fresh, but not really sure I understand it fully in terms of getting my head round the set up.  But that’s possibly cause I’m not very good at reading scripts – I find it hard to picture.  Was there a particular brief associated with this?  – My sister.

The brief was to write an original script (no more than 10 minutes) in one of these genres – drama, supernatural crime thriller or comedy.

MINIATURE 

by

Jennifer Farfort

2013

FADE IN

EXT. FIRE DOOR EXIT. SMALL THEATRE HALL. DAY

o/s male voice:  Next

DAVID an eighteen year old boy smokes a cigarette. He wears a baseball cap, body-warmer, grey sweat shirt and matching tracksuit bottoms.

o/s male voice voice: Thank you. Mandy has your details. 

A group of young people in garish costumes walk out of the main entrance towards the car park.

David watches them.

A girl dances and twirls ahead of her friends.  Her exaggerated movements cause laughter amongst her friends.

musicbox

David looks on while blowing smoke rings.

Stubbing out his cigarette he slips quietly back inside the hall.

INT. SMALL THEATRE HALL. DAY

The hall is sparse and medium sized.  Orange curtains drape the sides of the stage.  Stage lights shine brightly.

Cut to

A man in his late 50s called STEVEN and two girls who are of similar age to David seated away from the stage. They are in charge of the auditions.

Cut to

BRIAN a man in his late 50s standing near the back of the hall.  He wears a three piece suit, and a Crombie overcoat.  He looks over to David.

BRIAN 

Everything ok David.

DAVID 

All clear Brian.

Cut to

Steven who is rubbing his eyes

STEVEN

Next

Pause

Next

Pause

Cut to

Brian as he looks to the side of the stage. He nods his head.

NEX…..

A group of males, and females in their early to mid twenties hurl onto the stage as if they have been suddenly pushed.

We can hear the sounds of their low, heavy panting breath.

Cut to

CARLA who is seated next to Steven.  She has bobbed, brunette hair.  She is drawing in a sketch book

STEVEN(looking at the group)

And you are the ..erm

(He scrabbles desperately at his notes.)

oh um I’m afraid i’ve mislaid your name

(He looks at them for an answer then looks over to Carla. She is drawing a doodle of the dancers.)

Carla.  What’s their name?

(She shakes her head, and shows him her drawing then passes it to SARAH who is sitting on the other side of Steven.  Sarah is looking at the ends of her long hair.)

The notebook depicts gangly arms and legs.

o/s music

 An unidentified tinny Broadway tune kicks in and crackles around the hall.

STEVEN

Oh ..ok well let’s carry on then.

The dancers faces look waxen as they stare back at him with fear and confusion.

We’re ready.  We do have other people to see.(sing song irritated voice)

The dancers start to dance and sway slowly.

Steven crosses his arms and looks unimpressed.

Cut to

Dancer’s feet as they start to tap dance a bit faster before picking up speed.

Cut to

Carla as she draws faster with each movement of the dancers legs. She adds bulging eyes to their scrawled, scared faces.

Steven peers over at her drawing and back to the dancers.

Cut to 

Their legs as they start to soar into a big high-kicking number.

Impressed he makes notes.

Panic is etched on the dancers faces.

Cut to

BRIAN

(misty eyed)

Wonderful just wonderful….see..it’s coming together. I knew it would. What do ya think David?.

Cut to

Sarah as she watches Brian.

BRIAN

(angry hushed tones)

David. Come back..You’re not ready yet.

DAVID

I’m ready now

BRIAN

Get back ere.

David walks down the side of the hall towards the side of the stage.

Sarah watches him as he goes past.  They both look at each other.

He goes behind the curtain.

Cut to

The back of the stage.

We see a long rod hooked and threaded through the dancer’s costumes.

It is coiled tightly along their backs holding them all together.

As we go along the stage we see IAN.  He is also eighteen.  He has sandy blonde hair and has the look of determination in his face.

Ian manipulates the rod twisting, and turning it making the dancers move in time.

Sounds of their tap dancing feet gets louder and heavier.

David also starts to hold onto the rod.

IAN

Oi gerroff. Leave it ya prick. GERROFF.

DAVID

It’s better like this….see.  Look it’s better

They start to struggle with the rod.

Brian said I’m ready.

IAN

Bollocks

David moves the rod too fast. They jostle losing control of the rhythm

Cut to

Dancers moving erratically.  Their bodies nearly flip over themselves like floppy, weak rag dolls.

Cut to

Ian and David shoving each other whilst trying to control the dancers.

IAN

You Cockend you’ve ruined it.

David lets it go.

Cut to

A whirling dervish of dancers reel about the stage.

Cut to

Steven, Carla and Sarah transfixed.

STEVEN

I think we need to stop the music.

(The music is still playing.)

STOP THE MUSIC PLEASE.

Cut to

One of the male dancers

MALE DANCER

(pleading eyes)

HELP

Another dancer joins him

FEMALE DANCER

(sad eyes)

HELP

The dancers try to struggle free.

ALL OF THE DANCERS

Helppppppp ussssss…helpppppp  usssss

Their pleas reverberate around the hall.  The music plays on.

Steven puts his hands around his ears.

Cut to 

Sarah watching the door close as Brian vanishes out of the hall.

STEVEN

(hands on ears)

I can’t hear myself think..STOP THE MUSIC

The music stops suddenly.

Cut to 

David and Ian pulling the rod sharply.

The dancers still pleading tumble in one fast motion from the stage into an open box which slams shut.

Cut to

Black screen

o/s:  Car door slam. Exhaust.

INT. SMALL ROOM. SAME DAY. LATE EVENING

A wad of cotton wool and a glass bottle of amber liquid rests on a table.

Cut to

Brian’s eyes peering into the box from earlier.  We see glimpses of quilted purple lining.

Ian is eating peanuts.

BRIAN

(his back to Ian and David he is still looking in the box)

There’s no room for mistakes in show business.  Don’t let it happen again.

(Closing the box. He faces both of them.)

Every turn, every move has to be on the dime.  We….They nearly had the audience in the palm of their hand

NEARLY HAD THEM

(David sheepishly hands him the rod.)

BRIAN

Next time just watch Ian. He learnt from the best. (he grips David’s shoulder) Your time will come soon enough.  Ain’t that right Ian.

IAN

(talking with his mouthful)

Mmyeahm

Brian sits down with his back to both of them.  He opens up a large sketchbook.

BRIAN

See you tomorrow boys.  Bright and early.

(Brian looks at rough sketches of costume designs.)

EXT. SMALL COMMUNITY HALL CAR PARK. EARLY MORNING

Rows of parked cars.  People mill about talking.

Cut to

Close up

Reflections in car rearview mirror of dancers costumes as they head towards the hall.

Brian roughly sketches designs of their costumes in his book.

Ian and David are pissing about.  David throws a peanut at Ian’s head.  Ian tries to give him a dead arm.

DAVID

(laughing)

Arrggh

BRIAN

Cut it out you two.  We’re got business to attend to.

o/s.  The faint sounds of kicking from inside a box.